I found myself getting overly excited, a.k.a fangirling every time I saw Optimus. I think that was the very first time I had those feelings. I don’t really count my previous fictional love before him because that did not get very far. You’ve seen me write about my love for Optimus before, or you may have not.
Today is February 13th. A special day for me, while for others it’s just a regular day of the year but it all depends on what happens to you on a day like this. I became a Transformers fan in 2009, but at the start of 2010 things were changing, and I didn’t realize these changes until the 13th of February that year.
It’s officially been four years now that I have loved him. I know it seems strange that I celebrate this occasion every year, but it means something to me more than you know. Before Mr. Lordi and Papa Emeritus II inspired me to sing, and before Gene Simmons inspired me to speak my mind and never give up on my dreams; there was Optimus Prime who was my biggest inspiration of all, that is mainly where the love part comes in. He inspired me to be myself in every way. I was halfway through high school and I had no way of knowing whether I should do my own thing or do what everyone else was doing. Thanks to Optimus, I learned that freedom is everyone’s right, and that means I had the freedom to be my own person. I know most people probably learn this before the age of 16 but for me, there are things that I often learn later than I’m supposed to learn them. In a way, Optimus changed my life. I would not be who I am today without him. Why did I fall in love with him? I think I’ve mentioned this many times before: It’s because at the same time I have an attraction to fictional characters, especially when they change who I am in a good way. Don’t laugh when I say this: I even remember on the night of February 13th 2010 I first pictured myself being held against his chest where his Spark was and gazing into the beautiful light blue eyes as if wanting to kiss him…………and then he kissed me!
Loving Optimus for this long was a challenge for the first two years. I was bullied in school, and scolded at home for it. Kids at my high school never understood, they thought I was crazy whenever I swooned at the sight of him and the sound of his voice. They would often say he sucks, or constantly psych me (in other words, trick me in to thinking he’s behind me for example, and I can be quite gullible at times like that) sometimes I reacted the wrong way and that was obviously not good. At home, I was sometimes scolded for being obsessed with him, I remember it happening at least once every month something came up that caused me to be lectured about it. I hated those lectures, I was constantly being reminded that he isn’t real and I’m not his Sparkmate. I could probably count the number of times I cried myself to sleep at night after arguing and hearing the things I didn’t want to hear. I defended Optimus to death, and whenever someone close to me in real life rejected him, it was as if they were rejecting me. So yeah, the first two years were rough, and I think the 2nd year was even harder because that was the year I started a relationship with an RP Optimus, and was giving everything I had in me to maintain that relationship and also constantly questioning his whereabouts and lack of devotion. It was like I was treating this like a REAL relationship. I still keep in touch with him today but most of it is just occasional small talk, not much RP lately, which once again leaves me wondering if I’m still his angel and true Sparkmate as he told me…..and the truth is I can no longer remember the last time he said that to me, and he hasn’t kissed me in the longest time. The last time we kissed was August 2012 when I got back together with him. I can’t believe it was that long ago, I miss those moments like that whenever I was role-playing with him. I wonder if I could go back to that again next time I see him, even if we are not chatting for hours and hours straight.
Anyway, by the third year of my love for Optimus, things started to wind down and I was in more control of my feelings for him. No one said any more things about it, and I was quite glad the lectures and taunts stopped, that was the worst. So by the time I was in college people left me alone on my love for Optimus and even though I gained many new interests, through it all, Optimus never left my heart. He has always been important to me and will continue to be for as long as I live, I’ll remember him as the one powerful leader of the Autobots who made me the woman I am now. I don’t care what anyone says, I will always love him no matter what happens.