Staying Strong

It’s March now and I’m started to feel like I’m under a heavy cloud. My first semester is more than half over now and usually by this time around, there are more demands; more assignments possibly worth more, preparations for finals can come up faster than you can say “test” and then of course there’s a lot of lectures which I wish professors would do more than just that.

Thing is, that I feel I can learn better if I am engaged during the lesson. You know, like give me some in-class work, individual or group it doesn’t matter to me. But it sounds like college professors but don’t give a fudge about their students learning. There is a difference between teaching and learning. I think they’re just in it for the money. I’ve only had like two instructors in college all together that actually care about how well I do since I learn at a different pace than other students my age. I require special accommodations to succeed. It’s my job to keep them informed on what I need, and it’s their job to give me what I need. 98% of my instructors have acknowledged what I need but the only thing they give me is allowing me extra time to write tests in separate. That’s not enough. The remaining 2% would be the only two instructors that have actually helped me because I have trouble getting what I need on my own even after I advocate.

Since I’m more than halfway through the first of the semester (just about three weeks away from the end) I’ll tell you my thoughts from my heart. I like what I’m learning what’s required but there’s obviously challenges, some of them exciting and some of them not. One of my Monday classes is about legislation in pharmacy. It’s NOT fun to learn but I have to learn it. The lectures are not exciting, and I already spoke about how I wish instructors and professors would engage us as I said earlier. This legislation stuff there’s no way to put it in simpler to understand. One significant hurdle I have to deal with is reading complex language in a lecture and textbook and translating it in to my own words so I can understand. Legislation is harder to do so with that. It depends on the topic and right now this stuff I can’t seem to put in my own words. Now I feel like I’m in panic mode because there’s a lot crammed in this course. A “quiz” next Monday but it’s 60 fucking questions. That’s not a quiz that’s an exam! Quizzes are supposed to be shorter from how I see it. Also there’s two more group projects due in April which kill me inside.

One of my courses that is online consists of five assignments which were given after midterms. Each of them are due on the remaining weeks. I’ve already done two of them but the thing is with multiple assignments every week due each week maybe I’m just not used to juggling these things which is one thing that we all need to learn to do in life. Lately I’ve had mood swings because of this. One hour I’m totally fine and the next I’m crying. Sometimes if something is really bothering me I find that crying and letting it out can sometimes help because sometimes you just need to let it out…..when you’re alone. I’m trying to stay on my feet and believe that I can do this. Stress on this can get to me when I have only seven days to finish something since I don’t really know if that’s enough time for me to complete it, especially if I have more than one thing to do at once.

I’ve thought about going in to the pharmacy technician program but the demands for good grades are even higher in that program. For example in the Math course you have to pass with a 90 to earn the credits in the P. Tech program which would probably mean you would have to ace the final exam. This could also apply if I wanted to go right away in to P. Tech. However, the truth is that I still want to do that but right now I just want to finish the program I’m currently in and then see if I can get a job and when I’m ready, I’ll go back and try to get in to P. Tech at maybe another college or even if it means retaking some of the courses to get a better grade.

Well I’m trying to keep my head up, it’s not easy but I try.


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