I wasn’t planning to write anything tonight because I felt like today was hard to get through, and I just needed to do something that doesn’t require a lot of thinking.
But I changed my mind, I feel the need to write now because it’s something that keeps me going.
Today was a difficult day at college. I had my institutional lab this morning, and since I’m still learning how to do it, it’s overwhelming, I get very emotional at times like this, it’s as if I have crying spells, when in reality what’s happening is I’m trying to learn something new.
The thing is, I find myself getting more stressed than others when this is the profession that I want to do with my life, even if this is the work I have to do to reach it.
I like to tell myself that I can do it, I talk to myself about it, listen metal songs with motivational messages like “Anthem” by Iced Earth.
I beat myself too much sometimes, I’ll admit that. Thursdays seem to be the most challenging days for me in the semesters so far of this program.
But regardless I do enjoy the things I am learning, even if the overwhelming stress that comes with it makes me emotional. I have to start thinking positive, even if something doesn’t go as planned.
It’s a good thing that tomorrow not only do I have it off, but I also have my volunteering at the hospital, I need to get out of the house and go somewhere else other than school.
Until then, I think I’ll go think about Jiralhanae and hope to continue that dream of being a prisoner on the Flying Dutchman.
Who knows, maybe it’ll end with me escaping and finding a better place than back on the Dauntless.
-Emily
Monsterlady's Diary 