Why Is the Rum Always Gone?: A POTC Trilogy Review

Ahoy my loyal readers! I’ve never greeted you like that before have I? Well, I never write about Disney anymore, in fact I haven’t written about anything related to it since I saw Frozen and decided to review it.

Well, last weekend was certainly interesting. After having that dream of going from forced lady on the Dauntless, to a prisoner on the Flying Dutchman, I had a sudden desire to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy again. I only have the first three, as the fourth one I never liked that much when I saw it.

Ever had that, you haven’t watched a series for a while and then after you have a dream about it, you want to watch it again and hope that dream continues? Well, I was sure hoping that dream would resume, as I wanted to see what it would be like being captive on the Dutchman. Would the fish people start treating me better if I started doing as I was told? Would I be able to roam the ship free instead of being locked in the brig all day until Davy Jones requests my presence? That’s what I was hoping for.

Well I could always write a story about it, but I don’t think this one is going to turn romantic like my Didact fanfiction. Men with tentacles for beards are not my type! Anyway, I haven’t done a trilogy mini-review in a while so this seems like the perfect time to do so while it’s still fresh in my mind!

Curse of the Black Pearl

I could probably recite the entire plot of this story to you. I think I was in 4th or 5th grade when I first saw it. In drama class two guys re-enacted the sword fight scene between Will and Jack in the blacksmith’s forge. But I know this one so well, oh my God. It’s a classic story I tell you, goes from British 1600’s or 1700’s (still don’t know what century it is) to classic pirate stuff at sea. When I first saw Elizabeth, I had the impression she wanted to live the pirate’s life rather than be a lady. Reminds me of my dream. 
I’d say Jack makes the best grand entrance into this film, as that little ship sinks, gets me every time! My favourite dialogue: 
“You’ve seen a ship, with black sails, that’s crewed by the damned, and captained by a man, so evil, that hell itself, spat him back out?”
“Not you we named the monkey Jack!”
The classic story of a cursed ship where undead pirates dwell and show their true colours in the moonlight, is something you just can’t turn away from. As a child, I never understood why they wanted to lift the curse, but then I looked back at it as I got older and realized: Immortality is a great thing but there are many disadvantages to it, especially if it comes with turning into a skeletal monster in the moonlight. 
Elizabeth became my favourite character right away, and I was afraid she was going to be that typical damsel in distress, until she started to stand up to Barbossa when necessary, and eventually she started learning how to use a sword. Yep, you’ve made it on to my list of favourite movie heroines!
This movie’s a classic out of the three and it never gets old, the happy ending, the plot as if it was meant to be just one movie. It’s something I just don’t get bored of watching.
Dead Man’s Chest

I think Davy Jones would make a fine pianist, don’t you agree?

When I first heard there was going to be a sequel, I was all squeaky with excitement and declared that I had to go see it. So I did, and in the theaters, at first I was extremely confused what was going on. But I tell you, I hated Lord Beckett already with a passion for interrupting Will and Elizabeth’s wedding and arresting them for helping Jack escape.

Meanwhile, I was happy to meet Bootstrap Bill Turner after hearing about him briefly in the last film. But it took me a while to understand that Jack’s debt with Davy Jones was either join him or be dragged into the depths by the Kraken. No wonder he decided to make for land and stay there ruling a clan of cannibals!

Well would you rather join Davy or face the wrath of the Kraken? This is where one character I find rather intriguing comes in and it’s Tia Dalma. At first to me, she looked like a female priestess version of Jack, and I found her to be funny at first.

Then of course enter Davy Jones himself once the Flying Dutchman appears for the first time. By his personality, I could tell that he enjoys intimidating people. However, after learning about his past, I feel bad for him. Just like the Didact, he’s an underrated villain, and pretty cool. I have to say I enjoyed the parts Will spent on the Dutchman before stealing the key.

A sword fight on a giant wheel, and everyone wants to kill Davy by stabbing his heart for their own personal gain, now that’s twisted.

But the Kraken is definitely the highlight of this movie, crushes a ship in its tentacles, then brings it down, and damn that’s a lot of teeth. “Hello beastie!”
When Elizabeth kisses Jack and chains him to his ship, that was a bold move but I was like “Ohhh there’s going to be some strain in her relationship with Will,”
Over all, this one was worth waiting for, and my mouth fell open in the theater when Barbossa came down the stairs in Tia Dalma’s hut. Why am I not surprised to see him eating an apple? But I’m glad he’s on our side now! I still remember after seeing it, I walked into Claire’s and saw lots of merchandise promoting it, even a necklace of the key to the chest.
A World’s End

I struggled to come up with the best things to say about this one, the third was another one I waited a while for. Truth is most of it was spoiled for me because I played the game on Wii before seeing it. Oops, well things get really tight here. No wonder to hate on Beckett for preventing all the pirates of the seven seas from living their own lives, controlling Davy Jones, and yeah all that. I found Elizabeth to be extremely over-emotional in this movie to a point where she’s willing to put herself at great risk to help someone else.
Despite how long this movie can be, the most significant thing that makes me enjoy it, is it reveals quite a bit about the story of Tia Dalma; who is actually the sea goddess Calypso, her relation to Davy Jones, and how he came to be the way he was. That’s what got me quite engrossed in his whole backstory of all the devotion he gave to Calypso, as much as to only step on land every ten years, ferrying souls who died at sea, and was heartbroken to learn that Calypso was not waiting for him. Well what did you expect? She is a goddess after all…..and what does he do to get revenge? Shows the Brethren Court how to bind her in human form so she’ll be cut off from the sea. 
And despite his love not waiting for him, it hurt him bad enough to cut out his own heart, and bury it away, so he doesn’t have to deal with the pain of rejection. Then he becomes a monster, ship, crew, all cursed and transformed. 
Like I said, I actually feel bad for him now that I know his backstory. He could still have good in him somewhere. 
So it’s safe to say that I was more interested those parts of this movie than I was about the whole conflict of stopping Lord Beckett from ruling the seas. 
One of my all-time favourite parts of this movie is when Calypso is released, and the epic battle in the maelstrom. Maelstrom, I love that word, and the fact that it means a giant whirlpool. That was the perfect backdrop for a final battle. At the same time it works, to show how enraged Calypso learned that Davy Jones was the one responsible for organizing the Brethren Court to bind her to a mortal form.
Am I the only person who loves that passionate kiss between Will and Elizabeth in the middle of the battle? Maybe, maybe not. But I also feel bad for Elizabeth in the end too, because now she can only see him every ten years. I wouldn’t be able to wait that long if it were me!
Alright, that wraps up this trilogy review. I would have done the fourth one too, if I liked it, but I didn’t, and I’ve only seen it once.
So yeah, something different to review for a change, but that goes in shows you that there’s more in my heart than just sci-fi right?
Drink up me hearties yo-ho!

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